The Radioactive Emotional

To those who say rejection is a kick in the gut

To me it’s a growing unease, but

It grows like a highly infectious disease

Burning through a delirious me.

The stirring in my gut doesn’t stop

Every time I see them, something inside drops

Lurching forward I maintain a straight face

To mask my twisted mind and insides.

I wait for those moments of release

When the rest of life distracts me.

A flash of searing emotion.It is uncontrollable these days

I’m uneasy but see no other way.

I can’t change them. But I can’t change me more

It intensifies more every time than before

I’m afraid the unease will grow and grow

Till one day it swallows me whole.

I seek emptiness more than space

Where pain exists, to be worn with a poker face

Where silences and omissions

Become my way.

Of coping with being emotional.

I am trying hard to maintain some dignity

But the unease makes me lurch over

And bow down to your fate unwillingly.

I want to bury myself in my own grave

Put myself to rest one of these days

But I am beginning to think

This spiraling will bring

No peace to the radioactive emotional.