When gender confused me, I turned to evolutionary
psychology
Because the concepts of femininity and masculinity always
confused me
I wanted to understand if there was some truth in the
stereotypes,
Or if they were just illusions society had created for
me.
You see I played with Barbies rather than Hot Wheels all
my life
But I still didn't know it was mine or society's choice.
As I stumbled upon gender and it's theories
I began to push against the boundaries of my side of the
binary
Not realising in my excitement to rebel
That not all of me fit in the other side.
The thing is... I sucked at being a tomboy
I liked ballet and hated sports but
I wanted to be one of those soccer girls
Who seamlessly fit into that ideal of empowerment
I wanted to be one of those Iron women who never cried
Who overcame emotion and romantic notion
To become symbols of strength. To be glorified.
Somewhere I had internalized.
This feeling that being feminine was a weakness that I
had to overcome to survive.
The thing is I knew that the world was going to pack
every human quality
Neatly into two differently labelled boxes of the gender
binary
And pretend they were at two ends of the scale
But little did I know that they won't be weighed and
valued the same.
Because in the strangest and subtlest of ways,
We do not value masculinity and femininity the same.
I mean why is it considered a compliment to be called a father's
not daughter but son
Why is 'girly' an insult?
Justin Bieber was wrong for many more reasons than just
sounding like a girl.
Why is being emotional and empathetic for the soft and
weak?
It's like saying mental trauma as compared to battle
wounds is less important to treat.
Everytime the boy got beaten up for being a pansy
My skin turned black and blue
Because according to their standards
I was one too
Why do I see people of my own gender
Claim to be the 'other'
Claim to be better
Than the typical girly cliques.
What is girly and why is it unintelligent or weak?
Combat boots are no more difficult to walk in than high
heels
Make-up could be war paint
And the decision to wear it-a choice
Vanity isn't always a vice.
Why are we so judgemental of supersonic fangirls?
Why assume that they're the unintelligent ones and not
obsessive Megan Fox fanboys.
Why is it easier for a girl to play with boy's toys
And not the other way round?
To act out aggression is as messed up as being dramatic
and have too much to feel
Are chick flicks really that unintelligent and unreal?
Because honestly their plotlines where the best friend's
sister's boss falls in love with the smaller sister who is actually banging the
husband's stepmother
Is as complicated as the plot of the latest avenger's
movie.
And both are equally distant from and yet reflect reality
The thing is I have spent too much time sanitizing the
femininity out of me
To be able to be more than what society expects out of
me.
And that should never have been necessary
If I wanted to be one of those strong independent
women, I shouldn't have to be like men
I should just have to be myself.
I shouldn't have waited for gay men dancing in flamboyant
dresses
To make me realise that femininity can be embraced and is
not regressive
I shouldn't have waited...
When I proudly declared I watched the Royal Wedding with
the kind of interest we reserve for India Pakistan matches
To be met with an awkward silence
As though rooting for a love story
Made me take a few steps down in dignity
I refuse to step down now
From my pink princess pedestal
I refuse to be shamed for all those parts of me that you
consider girly
Because I jump when I see ants
I am the emotionally vulnerable poet
Who could be in a princess dress and not pants
And still deserve to be called badass.
Maybe it's time we go beyond just breaking stereotypes
And start revaluing the truth behind them.
That maybe this inequality starts way deeper under us.
Because maybe we don't need to wait for death to be the
leveller
When we the living can be equalizers
I won't see the world to be an ideal
Till a girl in a pink dress and a boy in a pink dress are
seen as equal in strength
Maybe femininity has no gender.
Maybe there is no gender.
And when you dismantle the two boxes, their contents will
be worth the same.
Neither deserving of any shame.